That picture’s not private

A 2009 poll conducted by CosmoGirl/National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy found:

• 22% of teen girls and 20% of teen boys have sent nude or seminude photos of themselves.
• 22% of teens admit that technology makes them more forward and aggressive.
• 38% say exchanging sexy content makes dating or hooking up with others more likely.
• 29% believe those exchanging sexy content are expected to date or hook up.

Advice & Answers

What Is Sexting?

Sexting is when people send sexually revealing picture of themselves as text message attachments. And while experts differ on statistics, a 2009 survey confirms sexting exists in the teen culture. Kids sext to show off, to entice someone, to show interest in someone, or to prove commitment. But the moment the relationship ends (and most of them do) someone is in possession of a highly compromising image that can be easily posted on a social networking site or sent around via email or text.

There have been some high-profile cases of sexting, for instance, those involving Tiger Woods’ alleged mistresses. And in July 2008, Cincinnati, Ohio, teen Jesse Logan committed suicide after a nude photo she’d sent to a boyfriend was circulated around her high school, resulting in harassment from her classmates.

Why It Matters

Today, anything can be copied, sent, posted, and seen by huge audiences. There's no such thing as being able to control images. The technology makes it possible for everyone to see your child’s most intimate self. And in the hands of teenagers, when revealing photos are made public, the subject almost always becomes the object of ridicule and name-calling. Furthermore, sending sexual images to minors is against the law. Some states have begun prosecuting children for child pornography or criminal obscenity.

Fortunately, networks with large teen audiences — MTV, for example — are warning teens against the dangers of sexting. And the website That's Not Cool uses teen-speak to help teens resist peer pressure. Hopefully, these messages will get through.

Parental Advice

• Don't wait for an incident to happen to your kids before you talk to them about the consequences of sexting. Sure, talking with teens about sex or dating can be uncomfortable, but better to have the talk before the fact.
• Remind kids that once an image is sent, it can never be retrieved — and they will lose control of it. Ask teens how they would feel if their teachers, parents, or the entire school saw the picture. It happens all the time.
• Talk about pressures to send revealing photos. Let teens know that you understand that they can be pushed or dared into sending something, but that no matter how big the social pressure is, the potential social humiliation will be hundreds of times worse.
• The buck stops with them. If someone sends them a sexually revealing photo, have them delete it immediately. Better to be part of the solution than the problem. Besides, if they send it on, they're distributing pornography, which is against the law.
• If you can’t deal with this, go with your children to the U.S. site, That’s Not Cool. It’s a fabulous site that gives children the language and support to take texting and cell phone power back into their own hands.

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